Legacy Christian Academy launched PEP Talks, which stands for Parent Education Program, just two short years ago. The program was created because parenting can be exhausting and even discouraging, and Legacy saw a need to provide tools and messages to encourage and inspire parents in their journey. During the February PEP Talk, Dr. Don Hebbard, licensed family and marriage therapist, and professor at Amberton University spoke to our Legacy parents. Tap here to watch the recording of Dr. Hebbard's message.
One of the greatest gifts you can give your kids is a godly example of marriage. He posed the following question to the parents, “Wouldn’t it be great to have a set of rules in marriage?” He proceeded to provide LCA parents with 7 Basic Rules of Relationships and Marriage, crafted from his personal experiences of counseling couples.
Personal Responsibility Rule
In this most important rule, Dr. Hebbard emphasizes the necessity to take responsibility for our own shortcomings and to use this ownership as a catalyst to change our behavior in a relationship. He explains that we are often a part of the problems in our marriage and must also become a part of the solution by owning our mistakes.
Veggies and Dessert Rule
In every marriage, there is a component of the unpleasant (the veggies!) such as illness, bills, car trouble, etc. Good marriages share in eating the veggies, in order to enjoy the “dessert,” or rewards, of the relationship.
Lovers Rule
“Spouses need time for spousing,” Dr. Hebbard laughed during his third rule. His point is that a good marriage keeps the chemistry alive long term, even when stress is inevitable. Affection and romance are necessary for preserving marital intimacy.
Safety Rule
Don’t introduce anything into your marriage that could threaten it, Dr. Hebbard explains here. Appropriate boundaries should be created for job demands, family, hobbies, and members of the opposite sex. “Marriage is sexual, reciprocal, and representational,” Hebbard states. Representational love means that marriage is an emotional bond that creates a safe place to land. An emotional bond as powerful as this must be protected by strong boundaries.
Therapist Without Portfolio Rule
Dr. Hebbard cautions couples not to discuss their marriage details with anyone who is not their spouse, or a licensed therapist. Just like you wouldn’t trust a therapist without a portfolio, you should keep private the details of your relationship, as many listeners could make matters worse with well-meaning, but unhelpful advice.
Red Flags Rule
Sometimes our partners give us distant, early warning signs that the walls are beginning to crumble, Hebbard alludes. When our spouses raise red flags by bringing forth problems to fix, or a concern they have, we need to be ready to listen and give that concern our full attention. Left unaddressed, these concerns grow, sometimes over years, creating resentment and distance in our marriage.
Logs of Trust Rule
Besides love, trust is a marriage’s most valuable commodity. “Trust is the ashes grown from the logs of mutually shared experiences,” Dr. Hebbard says. Every time you follow through and do what you said you’d do, you burn a log on the fire. Over time, ashes of trust accumulate and grow. Trust is two-dimensional. It requires time and it requires action. This is why broken trust is so difficult to repair, Hebbard explains.
As Christians, we are called to lead by example. Showing our children what godly love in marriage looks like not only honors our Creator but sets a precedent for future generations. While selfishness is taught by the world, we can continue to teach our children about the institution and importance of a Christ-centered marriage.
Legacy Christian Academy is Frisco's preeminent Pre-K through 12 Christian school committed to educating students in a college preparatory environment balanced in academics, athletics, and fine arts–all within the context of a biblical worldview. For more information on Legacy, visit our admissions page.